Something my therapist said recently shifted my perspective:
"You have a tendency to look outward for direction, which makes sense because for a long time, you were confused about what 'inward' was."
For a long time, my sense of self had been clouded by the intrusive thoughts of OCD. I had learned to rely on the outside world to fill in the gaps, but that only left me more disconnected from what was truly authentic for me.
For those who don’t know, OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder) isn’t just about the typical compulsions like checking locks or washing hands. It can deeply affect how we process thoughts and emotions, making it difficult to trust our inner voice.
Instead of recognizing my feelings or desires, I found myself constantly seeking external validation—through advice, comparisons, or reassurance-seeking.
The Trap of Looking Outward
This hit me hard because it explained so much about my patterns and why I struggle with comparisons.
Whether it’s my relationships, friendships, career, or even daily habits, I often search outward for guidance, measure my progress against others, and seek validation from the external world.
So what does “looking outward” really look like? For me, it’s a mix of everyday habits and thought patterns that feel helpful but actually pull me further away from myself:
- Saving “helpful” Instagram posts about relationships, self-care, or productivity, thinking they hold the key to improving my life.
- Googling questions like “What makes a good relationship?” instead of pausing to reflect on my own answers.
- Analyzing other couples on the subway, wondering if they’re happier or doing something we’re not.
- Comparing notes with friends in relationships, treating their advice as the ultimate blueprint.
- Scrolling through social media, reading about “highly productive people,” and thinking, I should be doing that too!
- Seeing people my age getting engaged, buying houses, or landing promotions, and asking, Am I where I’m supposed to be?
- Over-researching decisions like what to eat, how to plan my day, or where to go on vacation, as if someone else has the “right” answer.
- Seeking reassurance from others instead of trusting my instincts.
These moments chip away at my ability to trust myself. They keep me focused on the external instead of connecting with my inner voice.
The Influence of Social Media
Social media has made looking outward all too convenient. It’s like a constant invitation to measure up—to see where we fit in and wonder why we’re not achieving the same milestones or success.
But here’s the thing: Social media often shows a curated, filtered version of life. Because it’s so accessible, it becomes a vehicle for comparison that’s hard to avoid. When most of our energy is spent looking outward, it’s no wonder we struggle to hear our own voice.
Why Looking Inward Matters
This constant outward focus isn’t just draining—it disconnects me from myself. It’s like living in a perpetual “Research Phase,” always gathering input but never reaching a conclusion.
My therapist’s words reminded me to reestablish my connection with my “inward” compass—the part of me that knows what feels right without external validation. OCD made that compass feel chaotic and unreliable, so I thought the answers had to be out there, in someone else’s opinion.
But looking inward doesn’t mean rejecting outside perspectives entirely. It’s about balance. It means pausing to ask myself:
- What do I want?
- What do I value in this situation?
- What’s important to me right now?
Instead of staying in “research mode,” it’s about taking what I’ve learned, setting aside comparisons, and trusting that I already have enough within me to navigate the next step.
Blocking Comparisons and Finding My Way
It’s a process, and I’m not perfect at it. Comparisons are always tempting, especially with social media constantly offering new images of “what could be.” But I’m working on catching myself and reminding myself:
- I’m not in their story; I’m in mine.
- Their version of “good” might not be mine.
- What I want matters more than what looks right from the outside.
This year, I’m making a commitment: 2025 will be the year of looking inward. That means:
- Turning down the noise of external comparisons, including social media.
- Reflecting on what feels right for me.
- Trusting that the answers I seek are already within me.
An Invitation to Look Inward
If you’ve ever felt stuck in the cycle of comparison, I invite you to join me. Let’s make this the year we stop searching outward for validation and start trusting ourselves more.
It won’t always be easy, but it will be worth it. Here’s to a year of clarity, self-connection, and finding direction from within.
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