There are certain things I hear almost every week in therapy.
"I can't shut my brain off."
"I replay conversations over and over."
"I spend so much time thinking about what could happen that I never actually do anything."
Most people don't come into therapy saying they're struggling with overthinking. Instead, they describe what it feels like to live inside it. They talk about feeling mentally exhausted, stuck, and frustrated that their mind just won't seem to slow down.
The interesting thing is that overthinking usually doesn't come from a place of weakness.
In my experience, it often comes from caring deeply. The people who overthink are often the people who want to make thoughtful decisions, be good friends and partners, do well at work, and avoid hurting others. Their intentions are good. The problem is that somewhere along the way, our brains convince us that if we just think a little longer, we'll finally find certainty. We tell ourselves that one more round of analyzing, planning, or replaying will make us feel confident enough to move forward.
Unfortunately, that's rarely how it works. I know this because I've experienced it myself, and have seen it from clients.
Even as a clinician spending my days talking about anxiety, I still notice moments when my own mind wants to replay a conversation or convince me to search for the "perfect" response. What has changed isn't that those thoughts have disappeared. It's that I've learned to recognize them for what they are and respond differently.
That's something I hope this article can offer you, too.
Why Overthinking Feels So Convincing
One thing I find myself saying often is that our brains aren't trying to make our lives harder. They're trying to keep us safe. If your brain can predict every outcome, maybe you won't get hurt.
If it can replay the conversation enough times, maybe you'll catch the mistake before anyone else notices it. If it can imagine every possible scenario, maybe you'll be prepared for whatever comes next.
When you look at it that way, overthinking actually makes a lot of sense.
The problem is that our brains often confuse certainty with safety. They tell us that if we could just find the perfect answer, we'd finally be able to relax.
But life doesn't really work that way.
We can't know exactly how every conversation will go.
We can't predict every outcome.
We can't guarantee that we'll never make mistakes.
As uncomfortable as that can feel, uncertainty is part of being human.
When Thinking Stops Being Helpful
I think one of the biggest misconceptions about overthinking is that it always looks productive. After all, you're thinking about the problem. That has to count for something, right? Sometimes it does. There are moments when slowing down, reflecting, and considering our options is incredibly helpful.
However there's a point where reflection quietly turns into rumination. Instead of helping us move forward, we start circling the same thoughts over and over again.
One question I often encourage people to ask themselves is: "Is my thinking helping me move forward, or is it just keeping me busy?" I like this question because it shifts the focus away from whether your thoughts are "good" or "bad."
Instead, it invites curiosity. Sometimes our thoughts are useful, sometimes they're just loud. Learning to tell the difference can be incredibly freeing.
What I've Learned About Working With Overthinking
If I could offer one piece of reassurance, it would be this: I don't think the goal is to stop having anxious thoughts. Our minds generate thousands of thoughts every day. Some are helpful. Some are completely random. Some are fueled by fear.
We don't get to choose every thought that pops into our heads. What we do get to choose is what we do next. That shift has been meaningful for me personally, and it's something I see make a difference for clients all the time.
Instead of asking, "How do I make this thought go away?" we can begin asking different questions.
"Do I have to engage with this thought right now?"
"Is my mind trying to protect me?"
"What would happen if I let this thought be here without trying to solve it?"
Those questions tend to create space instead of pressure.
A Few Practices That Can Help
There isn't one strategy that works for everyone, but there are a few practices I find myself coming back to often.
Notice the moment you get pulled into the spiral.
For me, awareness is usually the turning point.
Sometimes I'll catch myself mentally rewriting an email I've already sent or replaying a conversation that ended hours ago. Simply noticing, "My mind is doing that thing again," can interrupt the cycle before it gains momentum.The goal isn't to criticize yourself for overthinking. It's simply to notice it. Gently bring yourself back to the present.
Overthinking usually takes us somewhere else. We're either replaying the past or trying to predict the future. When I notice that happening, I try to reconnect with what's actually in front of me. That might mean taking a short walk, paying attention to my surroundings, taking a few slow breaths, or focusing on the task I'm doing instead of the one my brain has created.
These moments don't make anxiety disappear, but they often remind us that we don't have to solve everything all at once.
Treat your thoughts like information, not instructions. This is one of my favorite ideas because it's simple and surprisingly powerful. Just because your mind offers you a thought doesn't mean you have to believe it or act on it. Our brains are incredibly creative. They'll imagine worst-case scenarios, predict rejection, and convince us that one mistake says something about who we are.
Sometimes a thought is worth paying attention to. Sometimes it's just anxiety talking. Learning to pause before automatically believing every thought creates a little more freedom and distance. Keep reminders where you'll actually see them.
One thing I appreciate about concrete reminders is that they can gently interrupt thoughts. Whether it's a meaningful phrase on a bracelet, a sticky note on your computer, or a reminder on your phone, these small cues can help shift your attention when your mind starts racing.
I've found that people often already know the coping skills that help them. The difficult part is remembering to use them when anxiety is loud. Sometimes seeing a simple phrase like, "One step at a time," or "Embrace uncertainty," is enough to help you pause, take a breath, and choose a different response.
One Last Thought
If you've spent years overthinking, you might feel frustrated with yourself. You might wonder why your brain can't just let things go. I would encourage you to approach yourself with a little more compassion.
Overthinking usually isn't a sign that you're broken. More often, it's a sign that your mind has been working very hard to protect you. The work isn't about fighting your thoughts or trying to become someone who never feels anxious. It's about building enough trust in yourself that you don't need every answer before taking the next step.
I still catch myself overthinking sometimes, most people do. The difference now is that I recognize it a little sooner, and I'm better able to remind myself that I don't have to figure everything out before moving forward.
If there's one thing I hope you take away from this, it's that progress doesn't come from finally thinking the "right" thought. It comes from learning that you can keep living your life even when uncertainty is sitting beside you.
About the Author
Madison Barrack is a clinician at Mindful Mental Health Counseling. She works with adolescents and adults navigating anxiety, burnout, self-esteem, and relationship challenges. Madison is passionate about helping clients better understand themselves, build practical coping skills, and develop a healthier relationship with their thoughts through evidence-based approaches including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), and mindfulness.
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