• Emily Stetzer / 0 comments

6 Phrases We All Use That Are Actually Really Toxic

1. "Good Vibes Only"

I used to live my life by the mantra of "good vibes only," hoping that simply willing positivity into existence would make my anxiety disappear. However, I soon realized that you can't just wish away anxiety. 

By telling yourself that "only good vibes" are allowed, you're essentially saying that feeling anxious is not allowed. But, what happens to all that anxiety when you push it aside? Does it truly disappear, or does it resurface even stronger later on?

Rather than "good vibes only," try "brave the uncomfortable" and remind yourself to sit with the anxiety. The more you can sit with it, to sooner you'll realize the discomfort doesn't last forever. You may discover that genuine good vibes are within your reach.

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2. "It will all work out in the end"

Saying to yourself or someone else "it will all work out in the end" might give a temporary boost of reassurance, but it doesn't provide any actionable advice. It also builds an unhelpful habit of expecting everything to work out. Sometimes it just doesn't, and the best thing we can do for ourselves is embrace this fact.

When we embrace uncertainty, we're not avoiding or ignoring our anxieties. We're facing them head-on and learning to prepare ourselves for when things don't go as expected. We become more adaptable, resilient, and equipped to handle whatever comes our way.

Embracing uncertainty encourages us to find strength within ourselves. We become more confident in navigating the twists and turns, knowing that we have the power to overcome challenges.

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3. "Think positive thoughts"

We often hear that the solution to dealing with negative thoughts is to replace them with positive thoughts. "Think positive thoughts" is not necessarily the best coping strategy. Why? Because, when we constantly push for positive thoughts, we end up ignoring or suppressing our anxiety, which can make things even worse.

A better piece of advice? You can acknowledge your thoughts without giving them power. Remind yourself and others that negative thoughts don't define us and are not indicative of the truth. Remind yourself "i am separate from my mind."

So, instead of constantly chasing positive thoughts, let's acknowledge our current thoughts while not getting hung up on them, and return our focus to the present moment.

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4. "Never give up"

Ever had someone tell you to "never give up" and felt an instant urge to throw in the towel? Yeah, it happens. Turns out, this phrase isn't always as motivating as we think.

Holding onto something that's working against us can actually be harmful. Sometimes, things don't work out because of factors beyond our control. It's not about giving up; it's about recognizing when it's time to let go.

Instead of repeating the same old "never give up" mantra, try shifting your mindset to "let go of what you can't control." By embracing this mentality, you free yourself from unnecessary stress and disappointment. You become more adaptable and open to new possibilities.

When you let go of what you can't control, you make room for growth and find new pathways to success. When you release the burden of trying to force outcomes that aren't meant to be, you can start focusing your energy on what you can control and take proactive steps towards your goals. It will opens doors to new opportunities and greater fulfillment.

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5. "Happiness is a choice"

Let's be real, emotions can't always be controlled like an on/off switch. Happiness is not always an option at our disposal. We go through ups and downs, and that's just part of being human.

When we accept that it's okay to feel a range of emotions, even the not-so-great ones, we show ourselves some much-needed compassion. We're not robots programmed to be happy all the time. It's unrealistic and puts unnecessary pressure on ourselves.

So, next time you're feeling down or anxious, remind yourself "it's okay to feel how I feel." Embrace those emotions, be kind to yourself, and trust that you're on a path of genuine well-being. It's a much more authentic and empowering approach than trying to force happiness when it's just not happening.

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6. "Just don't think about it"

This is one of the most toxic phrases of the bunch. When you hear the words "just don't think about it," does it help you move on or do you end up thinking about it even more? This isn't an actionable piece of advice because it's simply not possible to just make a thought disappear.

It would be more helpful to remind yourself (or someone else) that your thoughts are passing clouds. What exactly does this mean?

Observe them, acknowledge their presence, and allow them to drift away naturally.

By acknowledging that your thoughts are not permanent or defining aspects of who you are, you create space for them to naturally pass by without getting entangled in their web and you'll adopt a more mindful and accepting approach.

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